April 28th 2008

My name is Graham Bell and I am the Chairman of Lloyd’s of London Football Club. 

Whilst writing to wish Mark every success in the World Elephant Polo Championships (he is very experienced in riding animals of that weight and appearance), I am also taking this opportunity to inform you of a few little known anecdotes about the “coach” of the English ladies football team in Jordan ………..

Mark and I were best men at each others weddings.  At his wedding in Barbados I wore a tuxedo and delivered a short and sincere speech.

At my wedding in Bermuda, where shorts and long white socks are the traditional attire, he wore West Ham United socks and took the piss out of all of the guests in poetic form.

When Mark “worked” in Sydney Australia, he used to commute to West Ham home matches.  Soon this fact assumed legendary status and he was featured on the number 1 football TV programme in the UK, Sky Sports Soccer AM.

I asked them for the footage to attach to this but Sky TV said they never wanted to see him again.

In the early nineties, he organised a whip round in the London Insurance Market and raised a quarter of a million pounds towards a school for disabled children.

He once upgraded to a hotel penthouse on a business trip and when his furious boss said “Why did you stay in a hotel penthouse ?  “he calmly replied “because Madonna cancelled”.

You won’t ever meet a better, funnier or more unpredictable guy.

Top man !

Unlucky elephant !